let's talk charlotte

Since I already posted about Emily and her mad cake-decorating talents, I figured it would only be fair to idolize Charlotte on her golden pedestal. After all, she is my best friend, and she's been with me through some mad times.
So I was thinking about what to write about her, and I decided that she would be more of a challenge than Emily. I mean, yes, she's an amazing singer, but I already kind of went that route -- plus she confirmed that she would in fact not be participating in American Idol, since she was in fact boycotting it due to the previous season's results -- on the last blog. Plus, it's a proven fact that if put into a competition like that, she would 'bring home the gold.' So that leaves me with the problem of a topic. I mean, I guess I could tell our life story, beginning with a very pink children's castle and a few innocent play dates, but haven't we all heard that one before? No, I suppose not, but I have and let me tell you, it is not fit for most human ears (or eyes in this case.) Well, what is there then? Or is this entire post going to be about posting? No, I promise to spit something out, and it will be the most attractive thing one ever did spit! Actually, I'm feeling a future-dramatization coming on...

Or, rather, let's go back in time, to the days where life was simplified into a space the size of a pin-prick. Yes ladies and gents, you guessed it, our story begins in the womb, rather fitting of a story such as this, yes?
Implanted into the womb was a little egg, who's diameter was quite diminutive. Still though, this little egg caused so much havoc despite its tiny size, you couldn't even shake a stick at it! (Well I mean, you couldn't even if you wanted to, since it was so small you wouldn't be able to locate it unless you had a tracking device, and those things can be quite costly, if you know what I mean...)
This egg would roam around the womb, insulting various other wannabe fertilized eggs -- yes, I realize that the whole process of baby development is off here, but it's for the sake of the story -- on their outrages forms of dress, and the fact that their brains weren't developed yet. This little havoc-causin' egg was named CHILLY.
At this point in my future-but-currently-past dramatization, you may be thinking, 'uh, what?' and frankly, I don't blame you. I'm just making this up as I go along.
So Chilly would dart around all day, either laughing hysterically or causing the other eggs hardship and turmoil with her awesome powers. Not gonna lie, life so far was going pretty darn well for this little zygote. Good, that was, until...
Trouble struck! One day there was a massive earthquake inside the womb. Chilly just happened to be standing right smack-dab in the middle of the fault line, which probably wasn't the best situation. Screw cell division, Chilly was wrenched apart by the quake! As one side of her drifted down stream, crying for its lost half, the other half stood in shock at what had just happened (this part would later become Charlotte, who was contemplating 'how the HELL an earthquake could have happened in a womb?!')

Life was amiss for the two sides, one of which had stayed in the womb to mature, whereas the other had drifted down stream, hitch-hiked to Kanas City on the back of a four-wheeler, and made a living begging under a toe. Both of them went on living seperate lives, having no idea that one day they would again reconvene...
So this is kind of turning into a life story, but like no life story you've ever heard. Betcha can't say that your best friend and you were once one egg. Yeah. Thought not.
Of course, as fate would have it, they did meet again, and instantly attached to each other. They wondered where they got these super-human like telepathy powers, but since neither of them remembered their jaded past, they could not explain it.

[insert life story up until... 10 years from now.]

Assuming the Apocalypse did not come, and all those Myan's were just trying to screw us up, (and Lily's graduation party was not ruined by a massive meteor,) ten years down the road from now is where our actual story begins. Now I'll revert back to first-person, thank you very much.
I can feel myself in my London flat, clicking on the television for the second time that day, once after seeing Emily's cake, yadda yadda. I turn on the news to see what is going on, only to hear a familiar name. The caption will read:
'BREAKING NEWS! CHARLOTTE RADCLIFFE HAS JUST BROUGHT DOWN BOTH THE CIGARETTE COMPANIES AND THE REPUBLICAN'S, ALL IN ONE DAY! SUING THEM FOR ALL THEY'RE WORTH, SHE QUOTES, "THEY WERE PRACTICALLY DOWN ON THEIR KNEES, BEGGING FOR MY FORGIVENESS. I'VE ONLY SHOWN THEM WRATH."'
Yeah.
I'll scream a lot, and my husband, Jack Shephard will walk into the room to see if I'm alright. Then I'll grab the phone and invite Charlotte and Daniel over for dinner later. Should we say, 7?
So, moral of the story, don't mess with Charlotte when she is a high-powered lawyer with kick-ass debate skills. I mean, don't mess with her now. I'd say something sweet like, 'because you'll have to go through me first,' but truth be told, you might as well not even bother since you're just going to get, hm, what's the word? pwn'd, anyways.
But yes. Charlotte, I love you, and I'm so happy that you're my biffle. (: